Last year, I wrote about a new show on the Discovery Fit & Health channel called Secretly Pregnant Sluts. (The title is actually Secretly Pregnant, but as we know “Secretly Pregnant Sluts” is the correct title.) Watching this show was extremely painful for me so all of you reading this better appreciate this post. Despite being on the Discovery Fit & Health network, this show did not have a positive effect on my (or anyone else’s) fitness and health.
The secretly pregnant sluts were similar to last seasons sluts. Just like last year, there was an ugly 40 year old cougar slut. This one got knocked up by her 25 year old husband that’s unemployed, doesn’t do much of anything, and has lots of trouble with the law. There were some married sluts who were having lots of kids. One was 40 and having her ninth kid with her third husband bringing a new dimension to the “vagina is a clown car” concept. This slut’s oldest daughter was pregnant at the same time. Another married slut was having a sixth kid just because her first five kids were all boys, and she wanted a girl. She had been pregnant so many times that her doctor strongly recommended she not get pregnant again since it would be dangerous for her health. She put her desire for a girl above her own health and family. There was also a married slut who was having employment trouble along with her husband. They had three kids, and the third kid was special needs. Despite the needs of the special needs kid, this slut decided she wanted more kids.
The rest of the sluts (and many of the sluts I already talked about) were repeat sluts. They kept making the same mistakes over and over again. For example, one slut got pregnant early in college and rather than learn her lesson got pregnant again just a couple years later. There were many variations of that theme. One of the repeat sluts stood out. She had a 15 year old son and a 16 year old son with one man who wasn’t around, and later got involved with another man who knocked her up. She had the baby, and this guy wasn’t around and didn’t do anything. What does this slut do? She gets knocked up by him again leading to her fourth kid. Because neither of the men who knocked her up were around the 15 and 16 year old sons ended up being de facto fathers for the two younger kids. You can tell that the 15 and 16 year old sons are going to become the biggest misogynists ever thanks to the behavior of their mom and how she uses them.
There was another slut who got knocked up, broke up with the guy who knocked her up, but got back together with him. While they were broken up this guy (who is unemployed of course) knocked up another girl. There was also still lives at home slut, a slut who at 31 still lives at home. She got knocked up by her boyfriend/fiancé, but she hadn’t matured beyond 12.
If you ever wondered what Idiocracy would look like in real life, this show is it. In fact, there was a part that was a lot like the intro to Idiocracy where where one of the idiots gets his dick impaled by an iron gate but with an important difference. The guy who knocked up the slut with the 2 sons you know will become misogynists was in a car accident and got his legs crushed. While he was able to walk after the accident, he would never have sex again. Unlike in Idiocracy, this guy won’t be knocking up the slut with the soon to be misogynist sons again.