Jun 082011

One of the most annoying parts of being head of the Illuminati is all of the fake meetings I have to attend.  Think of how annoying real meetings are.  Fake meetings are even worse.  I’m in Switzerland for the 2011 Bilderberg meeting.  Nothing actually goes on during the Bilderberg meeting.  It’s just a ruse to fool conspiracy theorists.  To make the ruse work, everyone including me has to show up at it.  I can’t even enjoy Switzerland.  I have to be in pretend meetings all day.

That’s bad enough but it’s actually worse.  Because this is a ruse to fool conspiracy theorists they actually show up and yell using bullhorns.  Alex Jones is notorious for yelling through a bullhorn at our fake meetings.  Having to listen to Alex Jones yell in a bullhorn is what Hell must be like.  The Reptile Alien Homeworld will not let me do anything like shape shift into a demon to scare off the conspiracy theorists because that would destroy the purpose of having these fake meetings.  Luckily this will only be a few days.

The Illuminati’s real meetings are much more interesting and fun.  They take place in areas you can’t get to such as deep space and underground where the worms from hell live.

  15 Responses to “Bilderberg 2011”

  1. Fabulous! I’ve always wanted to meet you.. I’d like a career in the Illuminati – any pointers?

  2. This is pretty funny. I do agree this is not the real heads-meeting, and neither is the G20. Probably at some point the attendees gather around a powerpoint projector and get a message from the real illuminati telling them what a good job they are doing, taking the heat.

    The truth is that there are some places in Europe where the illuminati really do hang out. In a place like Belgium, a town might have 6 police officers, but 2000 private security and bodyguards. Getting close to these people is impossible, and those that try end up floating in a river.

    Pick a location in Europe that grows truffles, and the illuminati are guaranteed to be close by. Nothing can deter their insatiable hunger for truffle.

  3. I laughed, until I realised that you have some readers who probably believe you. Then I laughed even harder.

    • I have readers who believe this. How this joke got started was from an email I got accusing me of being a reptile alien.

      I have since been able to confirm that people actually believe this and it’s not some sort of joke. The people that believe this think that feminism was the result of a conspiracy so they have come to the conclusion mens rights was also created by that conspiracy. They think I’m involved either because I have money and/or because of my job since I work for a defense contractor.

  4. I also missed out on the satanic worms meeting. I’ve been too busy establishing a strategic reptilian heat lamp initiative in the Denver International Airport. When the new ice age hits, our people will need a place to sun themselves and luxuriate on rocks.

  5. Were you referring to this stuff:

  6. So Billderberg is just a distraction to draw fire from the conspiracy therorists? I had never considered that before lol. I think PMAFT is starting to think like a CTer.

    Even Welmer admits that as bad as feminism is, there is more to the puzzle! http://www.the-spearhead.com/2011/06/11/slow-expansion-of-topics/

    So as the manosphere digs deeper, what will they find?

    • The joke obviously went over your head as did what Welmer was talking about.

      • Nah I got the joke lol, I just find it a bit ironic that your joke could be considered an alternative conspiracy theory.

        As for Welmer, he’s gonna discuss other issues of interest to men.

        “Rather than do anything dramatic, I’m simply going to slowly start introducing other issues that pertain to men, and encourage contributors to do so as well. Additionally, I’d like to introduce some ideas for proactive steps people can take to increase their personal liberty and enhance their lives. There’s a spiritual lethargy that has gripped our civilization, and it’s high time for a new assertion of our humanity and independence in many different areas of our lives.”

        I have a funny feeling he’s gonna start sounding more similar to Hawaiian Libertarian. IE: “Feminism sucks but so does government tyranny and our modern culture”.

        • Nah I got the joke lol, I just find it a bit ironic that your joke could be considered an alternative conspiracy theory.

          Remember that back in college (when I had time for such hobbies) I used to troll conspiracy theorists along with many other trolls. I did get quite good at it. Some of the conspiracy theories you believe in may have been invented by trolls or even by me.

        • Well it pays to be skeptical even about conspiracy theories. Lots of misinformation out there. Alot of CTers are fucking insane and it actually serves as a warning for me about extremes.

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