Mar 252011

I still have to bring out the Godzilla facepalm because the reaction to this week’s three posts on marriage is still lunacy.  Here is a comment that gets to the heart of the issue:

Whether or not men measure up to the standards of those women is not really relevant to my point: If only 5% of women are marriage-grade, there’s a serious wife shortage, as a low-quality man is better off alone than saddled with a low-quality wife. Low-quality wives are albatrosses in the modern world.

These are two different observations:
a.) “I can’t persuade a good woman to marry me.”
b.) “There don’t seem to be any women worth marrying.”

PMAFT is saying (b.), and y’all (wifey, you, etc.) are acting as if he’s saying (a.). No … they’re different statements.

That is correct.  I am saying b.  In addition the laws concerning marriage make it dangerous for men to get married so even if there were more marriage quality women, getting married would still be a bad idea.  Rather than dealing with the issue as it really is, my detractors just called me a drama queen or wanted to make the issue about my sex life.  The lack of marriage quality women and the failure of socons and tradcons to deal with this problem (and all of the other problems that make modern marriage dangerous for men) is not about my personal life.  My sex life did not cause marriage quality women to disappear.

Commentary about my personal life just proves that my detractors don’t have a clue about this issue.  There’s a reason why there are tons of websites telling men not to marry, but none telling women not to.  There are bridal mags and shows, but not groom counterparts.  Saying that I’m (or a group of men that I’m a part of) isn’t marriage quality is meaningless.  We are not the ones pushing marriage.  As marriage is dangerous for men, we are avoiding it until there’s a change that makes marriage safe again or avoiding it forever.  What we are doing is not letting you weasel out of your own standards.  If you are going to push marriage, we are going to point out where you have failed in your supposed goals, and the failures of socons and tradcons in this area are numerous.

  8 Responses to “Missing The Point Completely”

  1. I think its a false dicotomy anyway. Let’s assume that there is an equal number of low quality men as there are women, what is the impact of getting married for each of these individuals in today’s society?

    LQ woman gets divorced, gets children, gets alimony and child support, gets the house because she gets the kid, gets seen as independant and couragous for raising the kids alone.

    LQ man (or a HQ man) that marries a LQW gets divorced. Faces paying child support, alimony and losign property, not more than a temporary father at best in the kids lives, seen as a deadbeat, a person that failed his responsibilty. Fases possible incarceration and false allegations of abuse.

    Hmmm, which is more important in today’s society the dirth of LQW or the dirth of LQM? Obviously, it is the lack of marriagable women.

    • YES!, YES!, YES!

      This is EXACTLY how this MUST be considered.

      The issue of male marital quality (MMQ) vs. female marital quality (FMQ) is a distant second to the much larger and much more important issue of regarding the disparate impacts of the failure of a marriage (regardless of premarital “quality” of either party).

    • This is all true, and yet I think I am 10x more terrified of a divorce that my husband is. Why? My marketability is drastically falling since I have children and will be 30 soon. My husbands is only increasing…more and more til he is about 60 or so.

      So even if the courts did side with me on custody, and he did pay child-support, he can snatch up another high-quality woman in a second.

      Yeah, I might be able to get another man but it will be a LQ guy who is only with me because he is desperate. Nobody chooses an aging divorced single-mom if they believe themselves to have plenty of options. He probably won’t even have a job. He will sit on my couch and play xbox while I financially support him, and his kids from a previous marriage on weekends, and my own children. I will probably be lucky if he doesn’t beat my kids when I am not looking, because everyone knows that most step-parents hate their step-kids.

      So yeah…If my husband leaves me I am going to have a total nervous breakdown. I will make Kate Gosselin look stoic.

      • You should tell every woman this because 80% of divorces are initiated by women. Money wise, she comes out way ahead but you are correct that her chances of finding anything but a low quality mangina is slim. I am predicting the majority of older divorced single moms will stay single for life. Maybe those women choose money over love? I’ve been told that the vast majority of women are incapable of love anyway.

      • Paige,

        You’re not saying anything different than about 1,000 men have on men’s forums. Yet notice how female-centric pop culture treats divorce like an enchanting spiritual journey or the triumph of a liberated woman.

        And if it were up to me, single divorced mothers & single mothers in general won’t even get a LQ man. They need to be boycotted from the dating pool altogether.

      • So why did you get married Paige? Living the next however many years in fear that your husband will ditch you sounds sucky.

        The sensible approach is just do your best and stop worrying. People can pick up on insecurity and it’s a huge turn-off; confidence is a turn-on. If your husband gets the “I’m not good enuf” vibe from you, guess what, you plant that thought in his mind and he starts believing he deserves better.

        This theme about old dudes having the pick of the litter is pretty much a crock. Most sensible guys don’t relish the thought of hitting the club scene when they’re in their forties/fifties and beyond; the hot young girls like hot young boys for the most part, not some suburban hubby/daddy on the rebound.

      • Well, then, you should do everything in your power to not get divorced. This means:

        * Do not get married on spur of the moment love-lust emotions but consider the long term prospects.
        * Do not initiate a divorce (this will solve the problem 70+% of the time).
        * Make sure you are a good wife so he has no reason to divorce you.
        * Work to end no-fault divorce laws.

        And then again, you might consider joining the marriage strike because this will prevent you from being at the short end of a divorce. Given the continuing disintegration of society, this may be the best option. I’d like to give more optimistic advice, but we are on a downward slide. You need to look out for Number One and be in a position to rebuild from the rubble.

  2. You must realize that women are incapable of logic and will not “get it”. I am in agreement with you that no smart man will marry, period!

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