Jan 162011
 

Here’s something that will piss off the Mark Richardsons and Susan Walshs and Escpaistarts.  I expect more comparisons to serial killers after this post.

Those of you reading this blog know that I have thought plenty about banging Sabrina’s best friend (let’s call her Kate) and having a threesome with Sabrina and Kate.  This weekend Sabrina and I were talking.  Since I have known Sabrina, Kate has not been able to find a man.  This seems surprising since she’s hot and only as crazy as the average woman.  Sabrina was complaining about Kate complaining about striking out when trying to get a man recently.  The conversation went like this (Everything is paraphrased for brevity, clarity, and just to make it into full sentences where there wasn’t any, and I left out some of the insults.):

Me: I will bang Kate to shut her up for you.
Sabrina: Ha Ha. Very funny.
Me: No, I’m serious.
Sabrina: You’re serious???? I give you all the sex you could ever want and that isn’t enough? I let you do things to me no other guy has done. Why do you want to cheat?
Me: I want a threesome. That’s not cheating.

Sabrina just gets a lot angrier at this point.

Sabrina: You’re not getting a threesome or anything from me anymore. You…You…You’re going to have to jerk off your little dick from now on.
Me: (I start laughing.) That’s not what you said last night or a million other times about my dick.
Sabrina: I lied to protect you. You have the smallest dick I have ever seen. Oh..and I had a threesome with two big black guys.
Me: With two big…you mean fat black guys? Why would I care about that or that they were black?
Sabrina: No you moron. They had really big dicks…This big (Sabrina did one of those, “I caught a fish this big with her arms”)
Me: That big? How was the hospital afterwards after getting impaled by those guys?
Sabrina: Shut Up!  SHUT UP!  SHUT UP!  Fuck this. That’s it. I’m leaving.
Me: Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

It took a lot of mental energy to be able to come up with all those comebacks that quickly and stay level headed.  I was exhausted.  And I’m sure someone like Roissy could list quite a few game failures here.  I thought Sabrina and I were done, but two minutes later I get a knock on my door.  It’s Sabrina and she says, “Hey there Mr. Big, can I come in and apologize?”  Sabrina went through this big long apology complete with commentary about how huge my dick really is.  She claims that she only said I had a small dick because she was angry.  (Are women capable of saying, “you have a nice average sized dick?”  I don’t think they are.  It’s either huge dick or small dick.)  Sabrina said that she’s “woman enough” to handle a threesome if I can convince Kate to join in.

Sabrina even went to the point of saying that she can handle me having the occasional woman on the side as long as she knows about it.  This sounds great right?  Alarm bells were going off in my head when she said that.  Sabrina went from being angry about me even thinking about other women to saying I could fuck other women within the space of several minutes.  I’m certain Sabrina has some other ideas in her head.  It may be as simple as trying to generate drama to planning her eventual divorce and using my “philandering” as an excuse.  It may seem absurd to plan a divorce before we’re even married but there’s a strong possibility Sabrina is already planning her marriage to me so planning a divorce now as well doesn’t seem far fetched.  Either way I don’t know so I’m going to try for the threesome and see what happens if I can make the threesome happen.

  30 Responses to “How To Convince Your Girlfriend To Have A Threesome”

  1. You really suck the life force from women. You’re a vampire to women and not a good one like from Twilight. This song is all about you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM

  2. Go for it. Don’t listen to Diana. She is pissed she won’t be part of your threesome.

  3. Hey Diana, little emo girl, I’m a vampire, babe. I’ll suck your life force from your nether regions. Yeah, I’m that good. PLUS, unlike the one from Twilight, I actually know where your G-spot is.

  4. I once had a German woman tell me my penis was average size. “It is average. Not too big, not too small. It is very nice. My pussy is also average.” Her tone of voice was as such that I took it as a compliment.

    • Germans are very methodical and precise, which is why they so dominated science and engineering in the past, and still are the economic powerhouse of continental Europe today, despite also having the longest vacations.

      It also makes for their saying weird shit like that in the bedroom.

  5. Only a cold blooded reptile could pull this off……Oh wait…

    Dammit people. What more proof do you need that PMAFT is a reptile alien? Really he is. I’m not crazy.

  6. So those who have, always want more, eh?

    Now I know you’re not going to find a church you’ll like, as you won’t find any that are okay with threesomes.

    • What about a church that allows polygamy? I know they would require me to be married to both women but they should allow it under those circumstances.

      • Well, if you want to move to rural Utah and join an LDS offshoot, like the FLDS, go ahead! You can have multiple wives, all very traditionalist (probably not into threesomes, though; sleep with one wife at a time, doncha know), while not drinking alcohol or coffee or tea, and being considered a heretic not only by Christians of the Trinitarian variety, but also by regular Mormons.

        Or you could convert to Islam, move to a desert country, become a teetotaller… Much like the FLDS, really.

        Them’s your options, apart from staying as you are. Of course, you could always start your own cult, and see how that works; it often works fairly well for the leader…

  7. How To Convince Your Girlfriend To Have A Threesome

    Say this –

    “Give me a threesome with your friend – or get the f*ck out of my life”.

    end of story.

    Myself – I could not do a threesome – why? I only have one penis.

    If I had two peniseseseses – I would be giving some lucky woman the thrill of her life.

  8. what happened to you anti fem/pro male??? You used to be so nice and innocent. Now you’ve gone over into the ho side of maleness. this is depressing for God’s sake.

  9. Go for it.

    Though a threesome with her best friend is fraught with issues. It would be better to get her to seduce a girl she isn’t close friends with, for the two of you. Well she should initiate the seduction with you then continuing it. It’s easiest in you’re both a bit dominant or more than a bit with the third girl.

    It could work with her close friend if Sabrina feels she’s prettier/sexier, at least by a little bit. If she feels it’s the reverse, it will take a lot more psychological skill on your part.

    Your not feeling guilty about it or excessively grateful is key. Make it seem sexy and adventurous. As well if she has a masochistic side play to that. Don’t try to eliminate her jealous feelings but instead tell her you want her to feel jealous, to heighten her desire for you, to win you back. Tell her a girl that lets you sometimes play as long as she’s #1, is a hard girl to ever want to leave or to get bored with.

  10. Chic Noir must get tired jumping around from website to website all day trying to shame people she disagrees with. Which from what I have seen is just about everybody.

    • scatmaster if I didn’t know any better I would say you’re jealous.

      @doug- please don’t try to make antifem/pro male into another you. :eave him just as he is.

    • I have something coming. I just waiting to see how far she goes without me saying anything. Alternative keeps digging a whole that I can’t decide which angle I should use to respond. Maybe I will pick how she’s really demanding an armed insurrection when men can force women to do whatever we want. Maybe something more general like how her BS is all of the “let’s you and him fight” variety.

  11. […] Pro-Male/Anti-Feminist Tech – “How to Convince Your Girlfriend to Have a Threesome” […]

  12. LOL. you are the man. She will get over it and you relationship will be stronger because of it after the fact, if you can stand to let her bone other men then, i dont see why you wouldnt stay together forever :)

  13. I once had a threesome with Hugo Schwyzer and Jack Donovan…

    They wanna get GL Piggy in the mix, but I’m afraid I’ll get left out…

    he’s a hottie…

  14. If you needed a reason to idolize Paul Ryan (the politician), remember that he was married to Jerri Ryan (aka 7 of 9) *and* got her to do all kinds of kinky shit, including the aforementioned threesome. Just imagine what kind of hottie she could lure in.

    Just sayin.

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