The group of people who hate me is ever growing. If you want my head then you need to get to the back of the line which is somewhere beyond Brent Spiner and John Scalzi. One thing all of my haters have in common is a lack of originality. It’s always the same. They say that I have a small penis, that I’m morbidly obese, that I’m a loser virgin, that my dad beat my mom (don’t ask me to explain this one because I can’t figure it out), that I’m gay, etc. My science fiction article at the Spearhead is still getting the occasional comment such as this one by “jody”. It’s basically a long winded way of saying I’m a loser because I’m a virgin. (Since there’s a strong possibility I might lose my virginity in the next few weeks, I bet her head will explode when that happens.) So far the most original insult I have received was from Brent Spiner who called me an asshat….At least until today.
Surprisingly, I don’t receive that much hate e-mail. My e-mail address is easy enough to find. I give you directions to find it. Plus, you can send me e-mail through the Spearhead website. I guess only a few special people care enough to do that.
Today, I just received this piece of hate e-mail from “Alex”:
Look motherfucker. I aint standing for it. We aint falling for your little trick to get us killed at our own fuckin waco. I’m on to you and your little psy ops operation to get rid of us who know the truth about you. Yes I’m on to you charter member of the Illuminati aka mr. reptile alien. I said it reptile alien. You are a fuckin reptile alien. I am on to you lizard and I aint standing for it. I know the spearhead is one of your psy ops operations to piss us little humans off. I aint standing for it. Humans treat our ladies with respect.
I am a proud reptilian resistor. I aint standing for it. You Bush Cheney Obama Clinton and the rest of you reptile aliens GET THE FUCK OFF MY PLANET. I know you are gong to disappear me soon or poison my medication or eat me. Fuck it. I aint standing for it anymore even if you fuckin snuff me out.
I aint standing for it. Come and get me you fuckin reptile.
I did not edit anything except paragraph formatting. I guess he “ain’t standing for it” whatever “it” is. I shouldn’t be surprised by this with the V remake starting yesterday. (For those of you who don’t know it involves reptile aliens posing as humans.) As nuts as this is, its refreshing for its originality. Here is my response to “Alex”:
First, if you keep your mom off the streets, I will stop fucking her. Second, why is it you conspiracy theorists and related nuts are always on medication? Take a look at Part 2 from the Penn & Teller Bullshit! episode about alien abductions. (I recommend watching the whole thing.) Go to 8:36 on the video below where Penn & Teller are talking to an alien abduction support group who all admit to taking medication. (Yes, I know they are “conspiracy theorists” but its close enough and I’m sure they believe in some aliens are working with the government conspiracies.)
All right, I’ll come clean since “Alex” figured me out. I’m a reptilian alien and a “charter” member of the Illuminati. That’s right. I’m one of the guys who runs everything on your planet. I hang with other reptile aliens like GWB and the rest of the Bushes, Dick Cheney, the Clintons, and President Obama. This blog and the Spearhead are massive “psy ops operations” that I created. (They’re not just “psy ops”/”psychological operations”. They’re “psychological operations operations”. That’s how big they are.) The founder of the Spearhead, Welmer, is a front human that I completely control. The other authors are just people who I have “convinced” to write about game and men’s rights. The “psy ops operation” is an experiment to see what happens when you widely disseminate game and men’s rights ideas into the human population. Because I’m a reptilian alien, the experiment I talk about on this blog is not about finding out if I can pick up women. It’s about finding candidates for hybrid experiments involving direct impregnation from myself. (My fellow reptilians will abduct the babies soon after they’re born so I won’t have to worry about child support.) If you wonder why I refer to my genitalia as my “zucchini” a lot its because with green scales, it does look a lot like a zucchini. And despite what you have heard we do not eat humans. You guys taste horrible. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to recharge my multi-orifice probes. I’m going to be abducting a human tonight.
For those of you too dense to figure it out and lacking a sense of humor, the above paragraph IS A JOKE. Even after stating that directly, I’m sure I’m now the one and only subject of Alex Jones’s next DVD.
Seriously, I found this piece of hate e-mail very amusing. I really did appreciate its originality. It was a refreshing change being told I have a small dick and morbidly obese and gay and a virgin loser.